When life happens

When life happens

The last few weeks have been hard. For those of you who don't know, we lost Chris's dad. He passed away 2 days after my birthday. While he was sick, it definitely was unexpected this soon. It's been an absolute whirlwind.

We got the call that he was in ICU down in Florida (he was a snowbird) and very quickly learned he was put on morphine and not expected to make it through the night. I got Chris on a flight ASAP to try and get down there in time, but he missed him. In fact, his flight was slightly delayed and he got the call that he had passed at the exact time he would have been taking off.

We were still at the airport when he got the call, but since he had already gone through security, we couldn't get to him before he left.

And for an entire week, I couldn't hold my husband while he sobbed and grieved the loss of his father.

Actually -- can I back up?

Sometime in the fall, I asked Chris if he would go to therapy with me. He easily said yes (he's a school counselor and I'm a former school counselor, so we are both big believers in therapy). But here's the thing ... we weren't having issues really. I thought going would help us communicate a bit better and learn some parenting strategies together to be a more united partnership. And while I'm a huge proponent of heading to therapy BEFORE things become a problem, looking back, it just doesn't make any sense why I got the idea of going in my head.

In any case, it took us a bit to find a local counselor who seemed to meet our needs and we went for about 4 or 5 sessions total. This therapist was great. She called me on my shit, which was annoying, but also pointed out some things to Chris, which was soooo welcomed lol, and we walked away with some easily implementable strategies to help us with our girls.

Then, on January 11th, we watched a movie together that single-handedly CHANGED OUR RELATIONSHIP. (Now, before I go any further, I have to admit to you the real reason we were watching the movie is because of my undying love for Adam Driver, but that's neither here nor there at this point.)

If you have not yet watched Marriage Story on Netflix, I implore you to consider it if you are married/partnered.

When I say to you that we haven't bickered or fought since January 11th, I MEAN IT. In the few instances we can feel a little testiness or ramping up to something, we start giggling at each other and invoke "marriage story" as our code to bring us back to love.

We have HUGGED each other no less than 5 times a day every day. We talk about how much we appreciate one another every day. Even our kids have noticed our new found love and behavior, and wouldn't you know ... it's impacted the entire vibe and feel of the whole house. Weird.

So fast-forward to our last therapy session on my birthday where we graduated from therapy, and we were flying high. So in love, so appreciative, so ready to take on whatever life threw our way ...

And then we lost his dad.

And we were apart for a week.

And we both can't help but feel like there was some divine intervention for me to be inspired to attend therapy together when we did, or watch Marriage Story when we did ... because we both said that we don't know how we would have fared had we not been in such a good place in our marriage.

It was like we were being prepared for the loss or something. At least that's how we are looking at it.

I read the most beautiful anniversary post today that summed up how I'm feeling right now with Chris. I've linked it because I cannot do it justice. It reminded me that it's how we grow as a couple in the worst of times that ultimately defines our relationship. It's easy to love on easy days and during easier times, but when life happens and is difficult and messy and just fucking HARD -- that's when the strength of a relationship determines how we make it through.

I know there will be more ups and downs in our marriage. And I know (per the wise words of our therapist) that we will fight again. But I also know that our bond has grown much stronger in the least several months and particularly these last few weeks as we navigate this loss together, and will help us through the many other challenges we will face when life inevitably happens.